March 7th, 2023

4:30 safeway opened my cbt app to put in some thoughts about my food stuff but the last journal entry from this morning when I was feeling calm as usual but had cramps was deleted. Another glitch. Weird.

March 8th, 2023

2:58 haven’t eaten a thing feeling alright but maybe should eat something.

March 11th, 2023

Was stressed about ordering an acai bowl at jamba. Writing this because I had to sit outside and cringe because I had anxiety again. I want to go over this again later and put effort into being more normal grandpa couldn’t eat. Tried to order oatmeal it’s not available so then I was all stressed and started breathing short again.

been thinking about my ritual with the food and if it’s practical in public. Trying to focus on feeling better after eating. Privately.

Want to order again at Jamba or somewhere else.

–

Tw: sexual harassment

Within the last 20 minutes I put in a tampon and an intercom voice came on and said exactly as I slid the tampon in. This isn’t the first time this sort of speaking into my ears has happened exactly when I put in a tampon. I was in a fine mood before, then after that comment sat on the floor and felt very small and bullied. My gender dysphoria has been very bad recently and this was a difficult harassing comment to hear. I am still very upset and keep thinking about each day of each month of each year feeling the gender dysphoria of my menstruation. I am a man Olivia Bornstein, March 11th, 2023. This is very disturbing and idk if it’s going to go away with medication or finally allow me some privacy. I have expected and have demanded only privacy for months. I raised my voice and cried then when I kept hearing people in the other room trying I got frustrated and tensed up shaking my fists at nothing. I’m alone in my room and don’t know if it’s in the room next door or like another floor or what. I’m 23 and need to have room of my own to be alone with myself and feel safe and gender euphoria. I haven’t been able to feel gender euphoria recently. Was entirely content and relaxed until the bully vocab. This is so weird and I hate having to write this because to be entirely private. I don’t care about putting tampons in, it’s the loudness from outside of the room. I am entirely alone in my room and I was so calm then I started thinking about all of my gender dysphoria issues again. I don’t care about putting things in my vagina but when it’s not a sexual context I would prefer privacy. The idea that putting something in my vagina is the issue is idiotic. I hate having to listen to that shit all the time. There’s no way the comment was directed towards me or was at all a pass or anything. I’m alone in this room. Each day has felt unique and distinct in the context of this year, but not discreet since each day is the same emotionally. Typing this because I expect privacy but if someone heard my voice in the hallways and been thinking about T alot. Stable, calm, present, befuddled and bewildered by unique occurrences.